;-;

Maybe fifteen, twenty, twenty five years ago, your parents had a child. They had hopes and dreams and aspirations for this child. Maybe your father wanted to see you take interest in the family business. Your mother wondered what kind of girls you'd grow up to date. What your first kiss would be like, and if you'd confide in her all of your girl troubles. Maybe your dad had hopes you'd be famous. A strong ball player, the only guy in town that was stronger than his pa'. They hoped that one day you'd find a nice girl and settle down with her, start a family, and give them grandkids. They hoped you'd take care of them in their old age.

But none of that will ever happen. You know why. One day, your mom or dad got you a Nintendo for Christmas, or your birthday, or just decided to surprise you with it. They thought it would be kind of cool, and of course, you were excited, and it made them happy to see you smile. You started to take a noted interest in video games, and as time went on, you became gradually less and less interested in the outside world. In grade school, you got a Super Nintendo, or maybe a Genesis. Your parents were very excited when you told them you'd started writing stories, but when you showed them your 10-year-old fanfiction of Super Mario or Sonic, they looked at one another in disgust.

Time wore on, consoles came and went with each generation, and it soon seemed you had more of those than you did friends. Of course you did have your little gamer clique that got together after school and swapped Pokemon, maybe even talked about the secret 121st star in Super Mario 64 or how to get to the lighthouse on the Dam level in Goldeneye. The years wore on, and you even started to wear 'gamer' clothing, T-shirts advertising Metal Gear Solid 2, a Mario mushroom hat, etc. Your parents at this time, have started to realize you will never be a normal child. You are a gamer.

Today, you have overstayed your parents' welcome at your house. You are 21 or older, and do not have a job. You probably never have, or if so, haven't kept one for long. You've never had a girlfriend, and your whole family knows that. That also means you've never been laid. But the sadder thing, the one they don't really think about, but you do, is that you've never even had a girl kiss you. This thought keeps you up at night, sometimes, long after you've closed Firefox and are laying beneath the covers with your DS or PSP. Sometimes, its enough to make you cry.

Bionic Commando is better than your face.

For those of you who know me well, you should be aware of my Inane love for BC:Rearmed...and any Capcom "Classic" franchise.

Just buy BC: Rearmed, you really have no excuse. It's like classic, only more RAD!

Soon enough, I will write about why Capcom is the greatest company ever, but let's take a look at some kick ass Capcom stuff.



If this SF2HD Video doesn't excite you, then go to hell



THE END.

Wow

This is a placeholder

At uni, so can't do either of my "Wow dailys" or "Week in gaming" blogs.

Will do them both when I get home. And get to level 73.Word

Please enjoy this while I slack off and I am still completely buzzed on energy drinks.

Edit: I just played Geo wars retro evolved 2 on DS till my fingers bled. A lot. Feels bad man. Pics of bleeding thumbs to be uploaded tonight when I have a fucking USB port available. I mean a PC in the library with no USB ports on it. Seriously?

Northrend, druids and wooden gear: Day 1

Greetings friends. Yesterday was my first real step into Wrath of the Lich King, the latest World of Warcraft expansion. Shits pretty fun actually. If a picture speaks a thousand words, enjoy the works of Shakespeare.




Northrend starts here









Boats :D


Draw distance is fucking amazing, as are the areas.

Well it's 8am now friends. Time to go grill the SHIT out of some bacon, fire up a pot of joe, and get back into it. It's like indoctrination of my soul. But I love it so much.

PEACE OUT YALL

See you all in January !!

Wrath of the Lich king is here.

See you all in the summer!

Welcome to the fantasy zone! GET READY!

This is a rundown of the week. Enjoy

What have I been playing:

Strider-Sega

This game is awesome, if you haven't played it, go to hell. Basically you play...a dude with a giant Tonfa (Nightstick)...but it actually shoots out a giant blade which slices dudes in half. Shit's so cash. DID I MENTION THAT YOU ARRIVE IN SOVIET RUSSIA ON A HANG GLIDER FOR THE FIRST LEVEL? This game kicks so much ass, It's hard to even begin explaining how great it is.

Is it the music? Yes

Is it the blade? Yes

Is it the fact that for the first boss you fight a wrestler....then the entire Russian senate who turn into a giant robot wielding a hammer and sickle? FUCK YES

Everything about this game is excellent. Download it now. And look at the cover. Classic box art kicks ass.

Red Alert 3-PC

Not really much to say about Red Alert 3 really. If you are remotely into PC gaming at all, chances are that you have heard about the Command and Conquer series. This pretty much delivers on what the previous RA games did, but better. Do I like the blonde Tanya? No. No thank you sir. I prefer the red headed, "Shake it baby" classic Tanya that "Had a present for ya". Saying that, it's still cool. I don't know what the best part about this game is really, it really is greater than the sum of its parts. Basically, Soviet Russia (I feel a theme coming on here) decide to go back in time and assassinate Albert Einstein, which the premier does in awesome fashion. Oh and he's played by TIM CURRY, the worlds best voice actor after David Hayter( METAL GEAR?!). And you fight "The empire of the rising sun"-See: Japan. But not just typical Japan.....well, as typical as fighting Samurai soldiers, giant flying gundam mechas and a flying schoolgirl that rips apart tanks with her mind. Okay scratch that, it's TOTALLY typical Japan.

Final thought on Red Alert 2: Paratrooping armored war bears. Never did I think I would be putting that series of words together. But I'm pleased I did.

World of Warcraft: PC

No comment. Grindan, magican, farmen. The usual.

Barnyard Blast: DS

This game totally took me by surprise. I downloaded it because it was something about a pig. Which is cool. What it turned out to be is...something quite special. Basically, your son "Cliffy B" gets kidnapped at the start of the game when he is out searching a castle for treasure. Already great. As you leave the house, your wife stops you...to remind you to pick up some bread. Upon which she says "It isn't safe to go alone, take this", and gives you a whip. And a shotgun. And dynamite. AND a pistol. Wait maybe I didn't put them in order of how good they are. Whatever. This is a game quite akin to the Castlevania games, as can probably be guessed from the playstyle mentioned. But it's so delicously packed with humor and self referencial, and that's why it's great. After I defeated the first boss, I was rewarded with CONGRATULATIONS in big glowing text. Feels good man. Oh and then my guy goes "For great justice".

Fucking awesome.

I suppose that's it for the vidya. Other great things this week include, but are not limited to:

-Eating awesome burgers

-The semantics of zombies, post apocolyptic dogs, and Nazis invading the U.K

-Watching more Death Note

-Animé society, which is always a lark. Good people, good animé, good times. (FREDDIE!)

Noteable film:Hulk 2008

Watched the new Hulk film today. Shit rocked. GREAT story, they should make it into like, a comic or something. As much as it pisses me off to hear everybody say "Oh Edward Norton should be X role" because they saw him in Fight Club, think they can relate, and they are now a new radical, I actually agree for this. Not that I hate Edward Norton, he's top. Just people think he should be everything ever. He also has a great beard in this film. Oh, and when he gets purple stretchy pants? Brilliant.

The best part for me was probably the ending, just because he says "HULK SMASH". That was sweet. Because Hulk DOES smash, with extreme prejudice.

Well, until next week, keep it real, and be safe friends. Here's some Delicious Von Karma for you.

Max Payne awaits!

Thought.

Rasty says:
Hahaha.
Rasty says:
Talking to people about getting fucked is alright man.
Rasty says:
But you need to keep it real.
Rasty says:
And yeah, you're right. There's more important things.
I say:
Word up
I say:
thats an authentic statement right there
I say:
It's just like
I say:
I'm here to better myself ya know?
I say:
Broaden my horizons
I say:
Interact and debate in a full manner
I say:
Bounce theoretics and concepts off people
I say:
And learn
I say:
But that just aint so brother
I say:
Am I wrong for dreaming such?
I say:
What are these fevered dreams I so desperately cling to
Rasty says:
Not wrong at all man.
Rasty says:
Find another crowd.
Rasty says:
They're there.
I say:
That be true friend
I say:
Oh snap
I say:
Talking to you
I say:
has just reminded me I want to get a descartes book out
Rasty says:
Do it man.
I say:
Any recommendations?
Rasty says:
Meditations is amazing.
Rasty says:
Haha.
Rasty says:
Great minds.
I say:
Hahah
I say:
Well
I say:
Im coming to a close with analysis of mind
I say:
by russell
I say:
just read
I say:
hmm what was it
I say:
I forget
I say:
a socrates book
I say:
All choamsky is currently ouy
I say:
out
I say:
so its either descartes or dosteovsky(spelling)
Rasty says:
oooh.
Rasty says:
Both are good.
Rasty says:
Descartes is harder but I reckon you'll enjoy it more.
I say:
I say:
I was reading analysis of mind in class
I say:
like, I aarrive 40 mins early
I say:
just to calm and centre myself
I say:
and a guy comes in
I say:
"Why are you READING before we have to"
I say:
I ddnt know how to reply
Rasty says:
Haha.
Rasty says:
Man.
Rasty says:
Try relate to them.
Rasty says:
What did this guy look like he enjoyed?
I say:
Not pulling his pants up, and wearing clothes not dissimilar to a palistinian even though he was fucking white
Rasty says:
Hahaha.
Rasty says:
Seem political at all?
Rasty says:
Clubber? Reader? Gamer?
I say:
Fashionwise, yes
I say:
But in terms of ideologies?
I say:
Probably not so
I say:
He wore the trendy sort of fashionista bullshit
I say:
but if I were to ask him how he felt about modern thinking
I say:
If he has ever stopped and took a look around
I say:
Took in the lights and sounds
I say:
Probably would have tried to punch me
Rasty says:
Haha.
Rasty says:
Man.
Rasty says:
Would you say you're pretty misanthropic?
I say:
Unfortunately so brother
I say:
Bad experiences with people made me jaded and a misnthrope
Rasty says:
That's fair enough.
Rasty says:
But.
Rasty says:
The way I see it.
Rasty says:
Hmm.
Rasty says:
I really doubt you think people are born, say, intelligent, or stupid, with one personality or another, right?
I say:
Correct
I say:
I think our culture and society warps people into fake, horrible people
Rasty says:
(h5)
Rasty says:
But what does the existence of people like ourselves suggest?
I say:
There are a few people who fight the power, not wishing to settle for what our saturated media try to indoctinate us with, and wonder "What if?"
Rasty says:
If people like that exist, does it not suggest that the media is not, in fact, invincible?
Rasty says:
Does it not suggest we can take the lies and propaganda, dissamble them, and attempt to ascertain the truth of the matter?
I say:
Yes
I say:
But only to an extent
I say:
Unless we are THERE in person
I say:
Who's to say what gets reported is factual?
I say:
Sure
I say:
They show us the news and such
I say:
But who's to say it isn't constructed by a very niche hegemony, who only want to show us "Their perfect world"
Rasty says:
I say it is. But you're right.
I say:
You and I both know the media is run by a very small board of "Higher ups"
I say:
Who arent right AT ALL
I say:
They were just born with a silver fuckin' spoon
I say:
People like you and I?
I say:
We aren't satisfied with the....
I say:
What would be the correct wording here
I say:
Hah
I say:
I guess something to the effect of
Rasty says:
Status quo?
I say:
"Initial aesthetic of contemporary life"
Rasty says:
Ah.
Rasty says:
Man.
Rasty says:
That we exist, proves that we can break the mould.
Rasty says:
Well, all of a sudden, the indocrinated sheep who seem to be like our enemy.
Rasty says:
Well, they're brothers, sisters, allies waiting to have their eyes open.
Rasty says:
Treat them well man, they're just trying to live. And challenge their opinions.
Rasty says:
At least, that's what I figure ought to be our job.
Rasty says:
Maybe I'm wrong.
I say:
At times
I say:
I thank whatever higher power I have someone like you to talk to
I say:
Challenging me and making me better my own sense of thinking
I say:
But yeah
I say:
I agree brother
I say:
Sure I may treat people with an initial sense of....
I say:
Distrust I guess
I say:
Doesn't mean they are'nt brothers and sisters with different ideologies
I say:
We are all in the human race together
I say:
So to hold prejudice, anger, racism amongst people
I say:
Despite the fact it's wrong
I say:
It's just plain ignorant brother
I say:
Sure, I may not agree with people at times
I say:
I may even get angered by them
I say:
But social heritage is something that needs to be shared
I say:
Isn't that what we were born for?
I say:
Free will?
I say:
Also, I anger myself by ending my own sentences with propositions
I say:
It's just bad English
Rasty says:
Fuck 'bad English' man.
Rasty says:
I'm feeling good vibes from you tongiht man.
Rasty says:
It's good.
Rasty says:
You're right.
Rasty says:
I'm happy I know you man, you're truly a good person Carl.
I say:
I say:
At times i wonder if I should open myself to new people
I say:
But you know how life is friend
I say:
We subconcioussly shield ourselves from bad experiences
Rasty says:
So true man.
Rasty says:
But.
Rasty says:
We've got to consciously fight it.
I say:
Trying to actively become aware of your own subconsiouss is a tough one
Rasty says:
The system works by alienating us, isolating us from one another with ridiculous notions that somehow ought to seperate us, 'class', 'sex', 'status'. Bullshit. Everyone is your friend.
Rasty says:
Agreed.
Rasty says:
I still can't really do it.
Rasty says:
Drugs do help.
Rasty says:
Meditation helps.
Rasty says:
But hey, that's where I know I can't do anything.
Rasty says:
You?
I say:
Sitting down, thinking, and trying to be at peace
I say:
I suppose that helps
I say:
Meditation I guess for me aswell
I say:
Furthermore
I say:
Made a pretty good friend at University
I say:
Who will actually listen to my nonsensical ramblings and actively participate
I say:
Tried to brick myself in with getting to know people about what happened with Terese this summer
I say:
But sometimes when I meet new people
I say:
It's hard to explain, because it follows no logical conceptions
I say:
Bar that of surrealism
I say:
Sometimes I see people as ...who they really are
I say:
Having OCD and anxiety and certain mental issues warps the mind so
I say:
So when new people are met. sometimes they are appealing to me in a mental sense
I say:
Hard to explain really
I say:
But with Penny, was just...right
I say:
She just sort of listens, not passively, but participates too
I say:
It's nice to have ONE friend in real life really
I say:
Fuck the norm brother
I say:
Fuck "The man" telling us whats right, wrong, who to befriend, what to believe in
I say:
I make my own beliefs based on myself, my emotive state, and those around me
I say:
Sure I could die tommorow
I say:
But at least I'll die for what I believe in
Rasty says:
I love you man.
Rasty says:
All of that.
Rasty says:
The sum total of that.
Rasty says:
Is so real.
Rasty says:
Seriously, man, I'm glad to know you.
Rasty says:
I'm definitely on your level.
Rasty says:
Let's do thsi.
Rasty says:
*this
Rasty says:
Ho ho.
I say:
Whats the point in living
I say:
If you can't feel alive?
I say:
I'm glad to live in such a time at the moment
I say:
Last year, university was drab
I say:
dull
I say:
meaningless
I say:
Now I have a friend, someone to talk to, spend time with, feel things with, share theories with
I say:
Brother, I havent felt this alive in a long time
I say:
And I feel humbled
I say:
And when you feel humbled by your own sense of self worth being aleivated beyond what you think you can be?
I say:
It's euphoric
Rasty says:
That's amazing man.
Rasty says:
Maybe you'll understand this song on the level I think I understand it?
Rasty says:
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=-nR2vsnH4Is
Rasty says:
Dunno if you can access youtube there or not.
I say:
I can, but with 0 music abilities
I say:
and on that bombshell
I say:
I planned to leave here at 7h30pm
I say:
But through an AMAZING talk with you
I say:
I be still here
I say:
So I humbly depart you this evening
Rasty says:
Man, it was great talking to you.
Rasty says:
Just remember, you never walk alone.
Rasty says:
We're both here, there's work to be done, so let's do it little by little.
Rasty says:
I'll see you later man, one love.
Rasty says:
<3
I say:
Same to you friend
I say:
As always, a fantastic talk
I say:
I'm actually going to upload this entire conversation to my personal blog
I say:
To share our thinking with Penny
I say:
I think she'd agree with us to be fair
I say:
Remember, keep it real friend
I say:
and remember aswell
I say:
Except our own thoughts, there is nothing absolutely in our power.
I say:
Peace out

World of Warcraft

Still alive

Handed in my first essay, I rock

And in my notes for the entirety of todays lecture, the key things I seem to have got out of it were

-People in the past wore really good hats

-Dogs think they are people

-And I drew a little picture about Simon Belmont fighting Dracula. "YOU DONT BELONG IN THIS WORLD"

PS: There needs to be more news stories about animals in clothing. This is key to how the world needs to start working.

WHY IS HE IN A SUIT?

HOW DO MONKEYS KNOW WHAT

SUNGLASSES ARE?!?!?!

News like this is awesome. Fact.

Why being lonely is sometimes super awesome: The diary of an anxiety sufferer

It's 12 in the afternoon. From here my day consists of waking up, scrambling around reaching on my desk, knocking over an inordinate amount of energy drink cans till I find one with something in it. I finish that, find the power switch on my pc, then roll back over. After 5 minutes of cursing natural light, my day on the internet begins. Welcome to my life. I'm Carl, and I'm an anxiety sufferer.

Thats how my days off are. It wasn't always like this. I used to be relatively well adjusted. At high school, I was relatively popular within my circle of friends I think, and it used to be pretty cool. College followed and I had stuck with some people more than others. One person who doesn't need to be named has stuck with me since ......like I was 5. He is cool. As college progressed, I felt a bigger and bigger gap between myself and my peers. Sure, I could talk to them, and pass time with them, but there was something there which I could never quite put my finger on. To this day, I still can't. I can say this though. I've only kept in touch with one guy from college. You know who you are, and you fucking rock. Even if you are a druid.

Wondering how I got to this point? The following is where I try to explain it, as vividly as I can.

Act 1: Someone just like me.
I suppose I will harken back to my youth. As a child, I was diagnosed with Tourettes Syndrome:
http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/442029
As I grew older, this would sort of come and go, depending on the extremity of the situation. A moment in time I remember very intensly could be considered amusing to the outsider. I was sat upstairs, playing Command and Conquer for the Playstation. I was about 9 years old, and obviously didn't know what I was doing. At this point my parents burst in the room, heard me subconciouslly saying obscenities, and...hit me. A lot. They didn't know at this point that I was suffering from it, so they did what they thought was best. I don't blame or have any sort of anger at them for this. Years before, I went to a child psychiatrist, and she said "I have no symptoms". I go back years later, and "Oh actually, he does. Sorry about the fuck up".

We were not best pleased. The years inbetween this and my next "Phase" flew by. Occasionally I would be bad, sometimes not. It was just a phase I suppose. It wasn't fun to grow up with. People looking at me, whispering about me, asking what I was doing. Looking at it now, this was probably where my onset of anxiety began.

Fast Forward to High School....

Act II. Medicate (Awakening)]
At high school, things were okay. I was a healthy growing up child, who "Gets on well with his peers and works hard when he exerts himself". I was happy then, with that brief ridiculous romance with the school Goth, which I will say now, was fucking weird, but I suppose thats another story for another day. In my spare time, I obviously played Video games. It was in this time my Father introduced me to Half-Life. I imagine it like what people felt like when they first heard The Beatles or something. I fucking hate them, but liken it to that if you will. As I grew older, I began to immersify myself deeper and deeper in RPG's. The atmosphere, the characters, the plots. I felt like I could really....be alive in those games. Becoming engrossed in fiction was where I found my haven, my "Home away from home", so to say. Normal people my age were going out, getting illegally drunk, experimenting with underage sex, and all the "Fun, cool" stuff I suppose you are meant to do at that age. I wasn't. I was wondering how the fuck to get the Key to get in that door in the Water Temple in Ocarina of Time ( You all know which one I am talking about. Nostalgiabomb or go to hell.) Well, I suppose everyone is entitled to do what they like right?

Fast forward to college:

Act 3: Full circle

College was fucking awesome. When I began, it was a totally new thing for me. I could study what I wanted, meet new friends from the district, and hopefully...do something with myself. Maybe meet a girl and....I don't know. Whatever. As college progressed over the years, I made a few good friends actually. I had a full selection of people I could hang out with, and for the first time in my life, I really felt like I belonged. Be it talking about the vidya with Lewis, Stupid shit with Nick, or nice things with Naomi, things were pretty good. It was about this time aswell that one of the defining points on how I ended up like I am arose.

World of Warcraft. Oh WoW, you bitch. I could stop sucking your wonderful, wonderful milk, if it wasn't so deliciously sweet.

I enjoyed World of Warcraft. It was good. I could completely immersify myself in it for hours on end, and feel like I accomplished something, even if it was just a grindfest for hours on end. Through this, I became more introverted. I would call off going to parties to play it all night long. Do I regret it?

Yes and No

It was at one of those pivotal moments in my life where I think I was meant to be, again, going out and meeting girls and drinking them brews, 'cause that's what a growing teen is meant to do right? The end of college is now. I see everyone on my last day. My fucking brilliant tutors, Caroline and Lance. They really got me through college, and I appreciate everything they did for me. Even if I was a dick. We all swore to stay in touch, my friends and I. We already had each other on MSN messenger and things, and phone numbers, so I didn't think it would be so hard to do this. It was. After the first few weeks, I realised a dwindling number of people would talk to me frequently. I still spoke to Lewis, and occasionally Hana, but I never kept in touch with everyone I wanted to.

To be honest, I don't really care now. I'm beyond that point of trying to keep in touch with people who can't be bothered. I have the friends I have, and I'm fine with them

Fast forward to University: Year 1.

Act 4: Intervals

University was different. This was the point where I thought, "Right, I never do anything with real people, so I guess this will be the point where I get out there and make contacts." I met my flatmates, and they were......average, with the exception of a wonderful young lady named Helen. I still talk to her now. She is super nice. I would occasionally go "Out" with these people, but with living alone, comes a very real and very frightening concept. I didn't HAVE to do anything I didn't want to. This was where things get really fucked up. Depression came to an all time high. This isn't very well known, but my anxiety got the worst it has ever been. There were days where I couldn't leave the flat. Not through lack of trying, I just couldn't do it. It's hard to explain, but those of you who have been through what I have know exactly what I mean. You just can't bring yourself to see the outside world. Months passed, I got worse. You know how this story ends. I cry myself to sleep at night on my plastic fucking bed, and wonder where I went wrong. I failed the year, and summer began. And oh man, did it begin....

Act 5: Razors edge.

This is going to be a short exert, because it is something I don't like to talk about. Those of you who know me very well, know exactly what happened over the summer. The triangle between myself, Joe and Terese. It didn't end nicely, and I don't want to have to think about it again, it was one of the worst times in my life, and I want to thank the following people for getting me by

-Claire. For always being there when I needed it the most. Hopefully I helped you out too.

-Jamie. Fuck you. But thanks for making things clear.

-Chris. For.......everything. Being a fellow sufferer, you knew exactly how I felt, and what to say. Thanks for everything.

The Climax: Art of Life.

We come to now. How am I? Fucking brilliant. I am back at University, with more ideas than ever before. Studying a lot has made me keen, sharp and ready to take everything I want. I suppose, yeah, I still don't really have any friends, and I'm still alone, but I have come to terms with it. Actually, I lie. I have made a friend at University. Her name is Penny, and I won't embarass her here with a load of nonsense. She is my only friend at University, and she is super rad. Especially when we discuss the semantics of Zombies for an hour( RAGE VIRUS!)

When I look back, It's been a long, strange journey(10 achievement points). Be it the nonmentioned 5 year romance with a girl from down South, my crippling depression, strong as hell medication, OBSESSION over Summer with a Swede, the fact Chris Barry is fucking AWESOME, or the fact I talk to someone at University now, I guess things are good. I can't complain. Being lonely at night is still awful. Sometimes it gets to be too much, and I have to sort of step back and look in on myself. I hate leaving the house alone, and coming home. To be alone. Maybe in time it will get better, I will meet people, that someone. But I'm not going to hold out for it. I will take things as they come to me, and as I want them. And I'll be damned if I will let depression and anxiety stand in my way.

Fast forward to 5 hours ago.

I have just come home from Anime society at university, it was nice. I came home when it was pitch black at 9pm, and found my dinner in the microwave. I heated up my burger, brought it upstairs, and fired up my PC. Sat here warmed my the glowing light off my monitor, I feel happy, placated. Almost ....content. It's funny how things come full circle isn't it?

Regards,
Carl

Even though I am no better than a beast, don't I have the right to live?

Servers down.

Cry, I want to go and get my Haloween stuff

Y u do dis D:

Yeah

I will still be mainly writing for Meleeattack, but this is just a personal thing, a daily diary sort of pansy bullshit thing.

Chris Barry is awesome though, look how he resists the boobies.




Anyone who questions his awesomeness, is a Jew or a Nazi.


I love you man.