SF4 IS SO AWESOME.

PREPARE TO WITNESS THE SAIKYO LEGEND.

Goodnight sweet prince.

We sure have been places.















But now it's over













See you, space cowboy.

Inspiration is awesome.

After talking to a friend just now, I feel inspired to write something, and I guess it's about University

ENGAGE:

So, backstory. Many of you know this is my second year at university, because essentially, I derailed, had an emotional breakdown, and failed my first year. This attributed to, but isn't limited to my horrifying anxiety attacks and the fact that...well I had intense depression during university. I lived on my own, as most people do, but didn't embrace "That student life". I didn't really click with anyone on my course on a mental level, nevermind an intellectual one. Very quickly, I became lethargic, and anxiety got the better of me, as I stopped going in. I know now that this was a bad move, but those of you who have had these "problems", know how hard it can be.

This was a series of characteristics that many times in my life I would look back on in bewilderment and the women I sought after would be nothing like this. In the pain of youth, the misery of my neglect, would manifest itself in many ways; depression - my enemy, fear - my friend, hatred - my lover, and anger - fuel for my fire. These four characteristics of my personality would become the guiding force of my life and would control everything I did or was to become. I shall explain later in the story about them.

Over the summer holidays, despite the fact I worked a lot at a Flower shop, I also had a more underlaying plan. This was to curb my emotions and learn to control how I feel a lot easier. The whole fiasco, basically the Terese saga, which hell, you know about now. Or if you don't- I fell in love with her, and she sort of told me at 4am one night she was with my best friend. Anxiety+Depression+Haloperidol as meds=Not healthy

Regardless, working at the flower shop gave me a lot of personal time to think about my life, and where I was going I suppose. I was relatively mentally unhealthy, this was apparent. In the 8 hours I would work a day, tending to flowers, in the hot summer sun gave me a chance to reflect on myself. At times it became a chilling reflection of my own wretchedness, and my desire to want more.

I soon found out that the only way to TRULY express myself was with my writing, It was a way to vent all my frustrations and all my pain - completely opened all my Four Doors . I know I can write relatively well, good lexis and pragmatical structure. The usual. Regardless, I re-enrolled at university for the year starting 2008. When I got back, I encouraged myself a lot more than I thought was possible. Getting over the Terese thing was hard, some wounds never heal. When you don't have many, if any friends, it becomes hard to truly open yourself to a person, and with this, I didn't know how to react at the end of it. But Hell, adversity makes you stronger, right?

Being back at University became quite the change for me I guess. The lethargy faded, and I became inspired to learn. I don't know what it was, but I felt like I could make it happen. Despite the fact that hardly any people come into lectures and seminars, I don't really care. There's at least one person who challenged and engages me on an intellectual level, being a very clever gentleman, and constantly "Fuelling me on" as it were, with his ideas.

I guess this is enough writing for now. I enjoyed it, writing is fun, and a way to express myself in a way I can't do in a normal setting. Check back soon for..more things.



So long, space cowboys.

Social.

You're told you're social all your life. Humans are social creatures.. Is this the reason we all cling to this notion of social 'normality' in such a way? Can we really not be happy just..being as we are?

Well, no, we can't. Because of comparison.

I always compare myself to images, or pictures, or fucking ideas of fun, and people portrayed as 'party animals' or those who 'live life to the fullest! Yeah! Hi-5!"

Good for you faggot, you bungee jump.

These seconds and minutes continue to pass me by. Hours, even. One more second I spend in my room alone is no less valid a second than any other, or anyone else's.

I know how futile it'd be to interact, because all you have is a face and a voice...is that really enough to trust, to love?

It's logically doubtful, but still we hope. I hope. Why..?

We not only cling to normality, but as a result, reality. This plane of existence isn't any less valid than seconds spent dreaming, but we still love coming back here, to pay our taxes and call Dubai to sort out our bill discrepancies.

Eventually, other people, and my lack of capacity to speak to them won't matter. Nothing will. I birthed this universe by being born, and it'll die with me, to me.

All is a matter of interpretation. Loneliness taught me this, and I believe it'll one day be the ultimate strength.

Why don't girls wear dresses anymore?

I'm not sure I understand the point of sexual liberation in terms of you don't HAVE to wear a skirt, if you're going to end up following whatever trend is in your area anyway, short shorts or jeans.

This is something that annoys me greatly. Girls don't dress "pretty" anymore, they either dress like lazy tomboys or skanks.

I don't like that I'm supposed to be happy about this either. Dresses are easy to put on - all you need is underwear, and you can shove the dress on in one go. It's much easier than buttoning or zipping up tight jeans, etc. If they wanted maximum comfort, looser slightly baggy pants would work better than jeans.

Which gets me, because not only are girls dressing more boring, they outright lie if you question. Jeans and tight tops can not conceptually be more comfortable or easier to put on than a dress. With a dress your legs have a lot more freedom.

Goth girls and hippie girls who are two of the last types to actually wear anything pretty, are being replaced by these tacky emo and "scene" bitches.

I'm just tired of this. I think it's just a visual representation of how "Unpretty" our society has become over the last decade especially.

I don't have a problem with girls that are genuinely tomboys or genuinely don't care about what they wear, but the fact is they're still "dressing up", just in the most mainstream washed out clothes and horrid makeup and fake tan.

Chances are you're only dressing accord to some stupid fashion trend whether you realise it or not.

A story

There once was a tiger-striped cat. This cat died a million deaths, revived & lived a million lives, and he was owned by various people who he really didn't care for. The cat wasn't afraid to die. Then one day the cat became a stray cat which meant he was free. He met a white female cat & the two of them spent their days together happily. Well, years passed & the white cat grew weak & died of old age. The tiger-striped cat cried a million times, & then he died too. Except this time, he didn't come back to life.

A tribute

To Chris.

On Women:

Chris Represents the Church Rave Cross-over says (21:43):
Man I wish she was a door, So I could slam her all night
Chris Represents the Church Rave Cross-over says (21:43):
Whats great is that she looks unhappy
Chris Represents the Church Rave Cross-over says (21:43):
which means that shes not happy
Chris Represents the Church Rave Cross-over says (21:44):
which means that anything you do
Chris Represents the Church Rave Cross-over says (21:44):
Will make a girl like that
Chris Represents the Church Rave Cross-over says (21:44):
Happy
Chris Represents the Church Rave Cross-over says (21:44):
You cant loose
Chris Represents the Church Rave Cross-over says (21:44):
and if they get angry, You act like some abusive father, smack her and threaten her and she'll stick around


On Insurance:

Chris Represents the Church Rave Cross-over says (21:27):
well the bristles on car washes are normally soft and brush the car gently
Chris Represents the Church Rave Cross-over says (21:28):
the ones for morrison were solid plastic
Chris Represents the Church Rave Cross-over says (21:28):
and it sounded like it was flailing my car
Chris Represents the Church Rave Cross-over says (21:28):
I felt like jesus
Chris Represents the Church Rave Cross-over says (21:28):
Scruffed all the paintwork
carl- Remember this: "Be it a rock or a grain of sand, in water they sink as the same." says (21:28):
what did you do
Chris Represents the Church Rave Cross-over says (21:28):
Puffed my chest out, Went in there, Told them that this shit was not on, Parked my car in the carwash so no one else could get in
carl- Remember this: "Be it a rock or a grain of sand, in water they sink as the same." says (21:29):
LOL
Chris Represents the Church Rave Cross-over says (21:29):
They brought some insurance forms out and shizzle, I gotta write to morrisons insurance company to get it sorted
carl- Remember this: "Be it a rock or a grain of sand, in water they sink as the same." says (21:29):

carl- Remember this: "Be it a rock or a grain of sand, in water they sink as the same." says (21:29):
I would have done the same
carl- Remember this: "Be it a rock or a grain of sand, in water they sink as the same." says (21:29):
but instead of talking to them
carl- Remember this: "Be it a rock or a grain of sand, in water they sink as the same." says (21:29):
just walked into morrisons
carl- Remember this: "Be it a rock or a grain of sand, in water they sink as the same." says (21:29):
put on my ray ban sunglasses
carl- Remember this: "Be it a rock or a grain of sand, in water they sink as the same." says (21:29):
and just started punching people



On burglary:

Chris Represents the Church Rave Cross-over says (21:47):
Take my yoda lightsaber that I've just bought, and beat him to death
Chris Represents the Church Rave Cross-over says (21:47):
Or I stand there with an extra large kitchen knife. Claiming there can only be one



He is just a bad motherfucker. Deal.