Inspiration is awesome.

After talking to a friend just now, I feel inspired to write something, and I guess it's about University

ENGAGE:

So, backstory. Many of you know this is my second year at university, because essentially, I derailed, had an emotional breakdown, and failed my first year. This attributed to, but isn't limited to my horrifying anxiety attacks and the fact that...well I had intense depression during university. I lived on my own, as most people do, but didn't embrace "That student life". I didn't really click with anyone on my course on a mental level, nevermind an intellectual one. Very quickly, I became lethargic, and anxiety got the better of me, as I stopped going in. I know now that this was a bad move, but those of you who have had these "problems", know how hard it can be.

This was a series of characteristics that many times in my life I would look back on in bewilderment and the women I sought after would be nothing like this. In the pain of youth, the misery of my neglect, would manifest itself in many ways; depression - my enemy, fear - my friend, hatred - my lover, and anger - fuel for my fire. These four characteristics of my personality would become the guiding force of my life and would control everything I did or was to become. I shall explain later in the story about them.

Over the summer holidays, despite the fact I worked a lot at a Flower shop, I also had a more underlaying plan. This was to curb my emotions and learn to control how I feel a lot easier. The whole fiasco, basically the Terese saga, which hell, you know about now. Or if you don't- I fell in love with her, and she sort of told me at 4am one night she was with my best friend. Anxiety+Depression+Haloperidol as meds=Not healthy

Regardless, working at the flower shop gave me a lot of personal time to think about my life, and where I was going I suppose. I was relatively mentally unhealthy, this was apparent. In the 8 hours I would work a day, tending to flowers, in the hot summer sun gave me a chance to reflect on myself. At times it became a chilling reflection of my own wretchedness, and my desire to want more.

I soon found out that the only way to TRULY express myself was with my writing, It was a way to vent all my frustrations and all my pain - completely opened all my Four Doors . I know I can write relatively well, good lexis and pragmatical structure. The usual. Regardless, I re-enrolled at university for the year starting 2008. When I got back, I encouraged myself a lot more than I thought was possible. Getting over the Terese thing was hard, some wounds never heal. When you don't have many, if any friends, it becomes hard to truly open yourself to a person, and with this, I didn't know how to react at the end of it. But Hell, adversity makes you stronger, right?

Being back at University became quite the change for me I guess. The lethargy faded, and I became inspired to learn. I don't know what it was, but I felt like I could make it happen. Despite the fact that hardly any people come into lectures and seminars, I don't really care. There's at least one person who challenged and engages me on an intellectual level, being a very clever gentleman, and constantly "Fuelling me on" as it were, with his ideas.

I guess this is enough writing for now. I enjoyed it, writing is fun, and a way to express myself in a way I can't do in a normal setting. Check back soon for..more things.



So long, space cowboys.